Cyclic Pentamer...

There is no scientific rationale to it. But ever felt a sudden pang of guilt or shame after having an extremely good social outing?

I do. I wonder why!!

I had a good time with friends today, as usual spoke a lot of unnecessary stuff which had nothing to do with my tipsiness after having a Lexus margarita @Chimy’s.

It was cold and after 3 yrs in US, it still amazes me that women (girls) can dress skimpily or trendily short dresses in spite of the cold. Wonder which is funny, that they do it for guys? Or is there something else to it? (Oh please, the feminism angle doesn’t apply to most of them there).

Anyway, I digress. The reason for the shame/guilt is that the same level of enthusiasm that goes in during the do is usually absent after it. And more or less, once the “hi-flying” ends, you tend to rationalize your actions that occurred. Most times, I feel a little bit of control and more cap on my feelings/voice would have been good.

This happens every time. May be its my sudden burst of happiness of being among friends or that generally the good times cloud my judgment, I don’t know..

Did you ever felt like this?

You can’t change a sad person. No matter how much good happens to him/her, he still manages to find the most saddest moment amongst it all, and then talks about his sad life.

I just did what I wrote above.

Nay, I am not a sad person; just having one of those bloody sad-sad hormone surge. How else could I explain the sudden downfall of my ‘feel-good’ mood?? Especially when I realize that I have a job and getting paid (even though less than what I was told I would get). Especially when I have a life I wanted since a long time (even though I still end up spending close to 48hours of weekend with my dear pal computer).

I know I am being unreasonable. I should just be more patient, believe more in prayers and in the higher being (oh forgive me God for being a temporary non-believer again!) After all, am what… 25?? I have still 5 more years to earn good, have a good life and settle down, right??

I phucking hate this.

PLEASE DON’T COMMENT. AND I FCUKING MEAN IT.

Yes, I am happy.

I have my reasons, but they there are counter reasons to not be happy too.

But, as the rarest of occasions, I am still happy.

I had a good, busy day at work. I listened to some of my favorite songs. I “might” go out for dinner with friends. I heard that song, you know, the one Mz’s been spreading around, about a girl, and her morning elegance.

I like the background score (beeps) of that song. I am like that.

Weekend’s here. Time to catch up on few shows.

I miss talking to few people. And they are ultra busy now.

I like this place. It’s small, yet has this classic look to it. Not much of greenery but I will take that for 2.5yrs of greenery I saw up in the north.

The lack of a “person” in my life seems to have multiplied. Or is it the age? Or the hormones? Why not all 3?

I finally feel settled, although this is still a transition phase, I got a chance to unpack and arrange everything. I wish this could last for at least for another year.

This is just one of those moments when I seem to remember only the good things of the past, of those great moments spent with friends and family.

Sigh, I know, hunger makes you think of such things.